Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
