bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
