Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
