Your tits are I can't wait for
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
