Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
