you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I still have a little drunk in my system
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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