I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
