Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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