can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
