I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
They should really pass out barf bags in church
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Randomize
