Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
