So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
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