i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
