so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
