we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
If I die, sorry about rent.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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