im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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