remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
