If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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