I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
