Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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