...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
