Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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