I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
