I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
