maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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