how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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