I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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