the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
