He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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