I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
