good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He better not be in your backpack
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
