my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
