I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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