she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
