We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
