she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
