Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
