I think I just saw someone hide a body.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
