watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
