"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
