I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
