he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
