After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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