it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
he told me I talked like a deaf person
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
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