You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
