Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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