i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
