you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
