My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
