I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
