What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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