i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
