before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
