i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
