Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
