this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
