omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
