He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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