But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
