my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i love accidental penises.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
