I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
