Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
