But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
