let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
