only if we run a train.
done.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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