Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
