Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
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