I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Randomize
