You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
