i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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