Im at strip club and am horny
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
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After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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