I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
