You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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