I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
