I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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